Yes, Alexis was big and mean, but at the end of the
day, she was no match for me. Why? Because, unlike my
dear sister, I was born with an extraordinary talent that’s
superior to brute strength: AWESOMENESS! It’s a gift
that keeps giving every day and takes many forms.
See, with a name like Jake Ali Mathews, I had a lot of
pressure on me from the start. My dad gave me the middle
name Ali after Muhammad Ali, who is considered the best
boxer of all time. His nickname is “the Greatest.” Thanks,
Dad! No pressure here!?!
Growing up, I got teased a ton about my name and my
I wasn’t exactly the biggest kid on the playground.
So I learned early on how to improve my chances for
survival by developing my crazy ability to know exactly
what adults want to hear, one of the many benefits of
AWESOMENESS. Some might think of me as a scammer or a
suck-up, but that’s just because they’re not me.
I also understand the social hierarchy of middle school,
1...,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,...28